 I was just thinking about this today during one lull moment in the middle of my work day...
If you have P500,000, not the exaggerated P1 million, just P500k -- its for you, not for your tuition fee, or for your business, or for anybody else, it's yours -- how would you spend it?
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! ERASERHEADS IN A REUNION CONCERT! WHOOAAA!!!!!
I was in high school when the Eheads revived the pinoy rock music scene. I admired "privately" -- can't let the "brethren" know. "Rock music is of the devil", if you know what I'm talking about. But heck, I'm free! I can shout -- Ely, Raimund, Buddy, and Marcus will be together in one stage -- maybe for the last time, this time for good.
O pano Pare Ko, Huling El Bimbo na to! Let's wait for August 30 With A Smile!
 A couple of weeks ago, I realized things in my life -- through my 4-year old son, Johann.
* * * When I was a kid and a bigger kid would push me around, either I sit in the corner and run to my teacher crying. "Ma'am, si Totoy po tinulak ako. Huhuhu!"
I don't fight with kids. Even if they hurt me, I won't fight back, or even defend my self from being hurt.
* * * I was taught that Jesus hates the kids that fight, or even those who just fight back and defend themselves. Jesus wants us to be "good boys" -- isumbong mo nalang sa teacher. So, if kids were bullying me, I run away and cry.
* * * Unfortunately, I have carried with me this kind of thinking to adulthood. Whenever I am faced with challenges, it's hard for me to fight back -- whether the opposition is a person, a problem or a lost opportunity. I "chicken out". I am afraid I might hurt somebody even if I think it's the right thing to do. I wasn't aggressive in pursuing things.
* * * Poor Johann, this "don't fight" principle was handed down to him by his dad.
One time at a covered playground at MOA, I watched him play from a distance. I noticed him huddling with some kids, one of which is a 5 or 6 year old kid. Naughty and rough. I knew something bad is going to happen to Johann. But since the playground is safe and I knew my kid, his tolerance for pain is high, I was confident. You see running and falls down, you don't see him cry, he just picks himself up and walk as if nothing happens.
And so, this big kid got irritated with Johann, choked him -- nothing fatal, just some kid fights -- and thew him on the floor. I'm not bothered, I know Johann can tolerate that. He did. He picked himself up, walked and played. Just like that, as if nothing happened. And so I thought...
* * * The next day, it broke my heart. I asked him as if I didn't know anything:
Dad: What happened yesterday?
Johann: (In broken 4 year old English) The boy is mad. Johann fell down.
Among all the happy memories of that day -- it was his cousin Miguel's birthday -- that is the incident that he remembered. While he wasn't hurt physically, I knew he was emotionally. And I knew that can be carried over to adulthood, just like his dad.
And so, I decided, I have to teach him what to do next time.
* * *
Dad: Ok, next time, what will you do if a boy pushes you?
Johann: Don't fight.
Bright kid. That's what I've been telling him. If somebody pushes him, don't hurt anyone. Especially if its somebody smaller than him. I had to tell him that over and over again because somehow, his playfulness would hurt other kids, like my inaanak -- Robynn, K Enjel's and Gayle's daughter. I didn't want him to hurt kids really. And so, I taught him that.
But it has to be modified.
Dad: Johann, no. If somebody pushes you, fight like Simba.
That is, in reference to the fight scene in the animated movie The Lion King. We would play and simulate the fight scene between Simba and Uncle Scar.
Fight like Simba. If an Uncle Scar pushes you, betrays you or simply wants to hurt you, you fight back. Don't let anyone hurt you. You've got to protect yourself.
* * * Ok, that last paragraph is the scheduled lesson when he's older. For now, "fight like Simba" is cool. His uncle Jay Jay taught him a more aggressive version though. When I now ask him, "What will you do if somebody pushes you?", he would say "Punch in the face!", then demonstrates by punching me in my face. Ouch!
I don't know, I like "fight like Simba" more. Growwwlll!
 Last week was exciting. Guests came. Popcorn popped. Dark hall darkened. The worship band rocked. And Kuya Prudy, he was retro. And inspiring.
God was all over last Sunday when we started "At The Movies". Let's continue, never stop, this Sunday.
Last Tuesday during our regular meeting, Kuya Prudy showed me his message and the outline. After reading it, I want to raise my hand and give my life to Jesus. :D
Seriously, this Sunday's going to be awesome. We'll have the same set up. The lights will flash inside the dark room. Popcorn's all over again. Inside a church service. How cool is that? And...
The good news of God's love will be shared. This Sunday, The message is entitled:
HANCOCK: When you feel you're a failure.
Don't forget to bring the friends that you brought last week. And bring some more new ones! We want them to experience God at Grace Place. And, don't you want the free Glorietta 4 Cinema tickets, too? :D
Dennis made a very elaborate discussion on the importance of making the tough decisions in an organization -- in his case, his church. Kind of making me think, because I'm basically having the same dilemma right now, this time not in a church setting but with my own organization and with my own personal life.
Have you ever felt like a "chicken" for not acting out or delaying a decision that you have to make because...
-- you don't want to hurt somebody else's feelings.
-- you are afraid to fail
-- you are not sure if the decision is right
-- and, the future is unknown.
... and yet you have to make that decision. And you can't. You want to, but you can't.
Really now, it's easier to be a chicken that to be a real man.
Erap popularized the term " midnight cabinet". Its the term used to describe his buddies whom he meet to drink or even play cards or mahjong with, until early in the morning.
Grace Place has her own midnight cabinet too! While I was leaving my office at around 12:40 am (yep, AM, midnight!) last Friday, I saw them having their own "midnight cabinet" session. I couldn't help but take a snap shot of them. They didn't know I will post it here and broadcast their activities, but hey, it's my blog. No one dictates what I do or shouldn't do!
So here they are. The Grace Place midnight cabinet:
 (Van, Frendel and Tzad)
For the discouraged. For the burned out (who, because of our physical and emotional tiredness, doesn't feel the passion to pray anymore). For the whole Grace Place family. Know that there are people praying for you. For us. For the church. Let's thank God for the prayer team.
Kailan ba pwedeng maka pag pahinga?
Hindi ba parang nakakapagod na ang buhay?
Nakakapagod mag-aral. Biruin mo, anim na taon sa elementarya, apat na taon sa high school, tapos 4 (o 5) taon sa kolehiyo. Exam dito, exam duon. Nakakapagod yon!
Nakakapagod mag trabaho. Paulit-ulit. Paikot-ikot. May pera. Wala. Sweldo sa a-kinse, sa a-trenta. Gastos dito, gaston don. Tapos ubos na bago pa ulit sumweldo. Nakakapagod yon!
Nakakapagod ang pamilya. Minsan masaya. Minsan hindi. Karamihan hindi. Makukulit na anak. Problema sa asawa. Pati ikaw problema din ng asawa mo. Problema sa pera. Ang daming problema. Kaya nga ang karamihan nag-aabroad nalang. Hindi naman dahil sa kailangan ng pera. Gusto lang talaga tumakas sa problema. Eh, ikaw, mag-aabroad ka rin ba? Isa na namang problema yan. Pero sa tutuo lang, di ba talaga namang nakakapagod?
Kailangan ba pwede mag-pahinga? Pag matanda ka na? Eh, problema din kung paano ka magre-retire. O saan ka magreretire.
Hindi ka ba napapagod sa buhay? Nagtatanong lang.
Baka makatulong ito. Sana makatulong...
A couple of light and wonderful things aside from the topic of depression and frustrations in life :D --
* I've changed my "headshot" here at Multiply and at Friendster last Friday. The reason for that is Leonard teased me for having a haggard looking headshot. Yeah, right. So I gave his a good one.
The problem though is I received some disturbing comments. One comment I received is that it looked like it was taken from a studio. It is supposed to be a compliment, it meant that the picture is nicely taken. But, duh! I won't go to a studio just to post a picture for Multiply! That picture was taken through my iMac webcam with my blue office wall as the background. I just did some Photoshop editing to have some effects and that's it.
Another comment is that I looked very matured on that picture. One side it's good, on one side it's not (who would really like to look old?) The worst comment is it looked like a boy-band shot. hahaha!
Anyway, I changed my headshot already. :D If you want to see that picture that I'm talking about, click here. No big deal, actually. Just want to set the record straight.
* Ecstatic today. I'm reunited with my long time, college friend and Team Sparrow, Inc. co-founder. He resigned last February due to personal concerns. But he's back. He's kind of like my backbone here in the office and it's glad that he's back. Did I just say he's back? :-D
Starting this Sunday, July 6, 2008 (not June 29 as posted), Grace Place starts a new series called "At The Movies". It's a 3-week message series based on current Hollywood blockbusters this movie season.
We Filipinos love to watch movies. In an article I read a couple of weeks ago, the author said that culturally, especially here in the city, we treat movies we watch as a social activity -- a date, a barkada gimik, or a family get together. We all love movies.
Little that we know, though, that aside from enjoying it, we can extract timeless spiritual lessons from those. So, at Grace Place starting this Sunday, we're going to do just that.
Here are the working titles:
July 6 - "Kungfu Panda: When you think you're not good enough" July 13 - "Hancock: When you think you're a failure" July 20 - "Star Wars: When you want to push back the Dark Side"
Invite your friends, get a free ticket
If you're a GracePlacer, this instruction is for you. We believe that this is a great time to invite your friends. Your friends love movies, that's for sure. And so, using a movie to share with them spiritual truths will create an interest. So, we would like to encourage each one of us to take time this week to invite a friend to Grace Place on Sunday.
On top of that, to spice up your inviting powers, Grace Place will be giving away free Glorietta 4 movie tickets for those of you who will bring a friend. So, if you bring a first time guest, you get a free ticket, then your friend gets one too! So, both of you will. Good deal?
If you're not a GracePlacer and wanting to attend this Sunday, you get a free ticket too! :D
This is going to be special. Imagine, instead of our usual coffee and cup cakes, we'll have you and your friends be treated with a popcorn! Popcorn in a church -- how cool is that! :D (Oh, well, we're technically not inside a church building, so we can do whatever we want, right?)
Gimik Group
We're not going to give away tickets for the sake of giving incentive. This has a purpose. The main purpose is for us to be able to relaunch "Gimik Groups".
What is a gimik group. Simply put, a gimik group is a group that goes out to a gimik. Dumb answer, I know! But that's how simple it is. Our gimik groups just invites their friends, hang out together, watch a movie, play billiards or bowling -- anything you can think of. It's a way of telling our friends, "hey, we're normal people. we know how to have fun!" because unfortunately, when people think of a Christian these days, they think of a religious fanatic. At Gimik Groups, we're not going to talk about church or the Bible or anything to that effect. We're just going to have fun, that's all.
Now, as we relaunch Gimik Groups this Sunday, this time, we're going to watch a movie together. So, there will be 2 movie schedules next week. You can decide on which movie to watch with us. If you are entitled to a free movie ticket, just be there and the entrance is on us. If you're not, you're still welcome, but you need to get your own :D Deo is going to be the coordinator for this. You can see him at the information counter. He will have the schedules. It's going to be fun!
Promote!
GracePlacers, let's start promoting this exciting event. Post it in your blogs. Email your friends. Text blast. Give out the invitations we handed you last Sunday. And of course, take time to personally invite your families and friends.
Trailer:
Resources
Questions? Suggestions?
 | Weird | Jun 26, '08 1:35 AM
for everyone |
 (Picture I used to sell my MacMini online. Maybe it's my face that kept it from being sold! :D )
After I both an iMac 3 months ago, I've been wanting to sell my old MacMini. I've posted it at Mac forums, at TipidPC and Silit.com.ph . A week has passed, a month, stripped off the price -- no one's interested. So I lost interest in selling it myself. I just didn't bother, had it sitting on another table.
Then this week, I suddenly "hoped" this will be sold soon. "Hoped" -- sana mabenta na to. It's not even a prayer. And then, the weird happened.
All of a sudden, which started yesterday, I got swamped with inquiries from prospective buyers. People texting me out of nowhere. I've received a bunch of emails. At one time today, I'm texting 3 different people all at the same time, all begging me to sell to them my MacMini. One buyer just rushed to my office during lunch break today and, without any negotiations at all, he simply played around the machine for a couple of minutes, handed me the money and left. That's it. Sold! Up until now, people texting and emailing me. It's already sold a while ago, sorry guys!
I felt awkward and weird. So I counted the total inquiries since yesterday. - 6 from Philmug.ph IMs
- 4 texters
- 2 from Sulit.com.ph
Three months on sale, nobody bothered. In two days, they are begging me to sell it to them. This does not happen on a regular day.
Made me think. Is somebody trying to get my attention? Is God trying to get my attention? If he is, he's making it really obvious and exaggerated. What happens when He tries to get my attention on other areas of my life?
 ... but with a little help from this guy, he was resurrected. To life! Alcohol did the trick. I guess even dead things cannot resurrect themselves! I'm officially a 2-pointer. If you know what I'm talking about :-D
 Somebody approached me last week asking me how he can fight depression. I am kind of wondering if I can help him -- because I'm trying to fight depression myself!
Anyway, I gave several tips that somehow helped and has been helping me. Thought I should blog about it.
When in a season of depression...
1. Rest. Most of the time, depression is caused by physical fatigue. And if you're physically tired, naturally you will be emotionally stressed out too. So, rest. He are some things to consider when resting: - Actually rest. I mean, sleep. Don't just stop from what you're doing. (You may stop working, but went on with nightly gimmiks. Ano yon? :D
- Withdraw yourself from people. It may or may not help. In my case it did. On my birthday last month, I made myself inaccessible even with my own family the whole day and a half.
- Try to do things differently. Read a book you would have not read on normal day. Listen to a different type of music. Just last Saturday night, I listened to somebody else's playlist. Being away from Hillsong and Jazz/Crossover music once in a while, it's refreshing.
2. Talk to a trusted friend. Find someone whom you can trust. You need to dump off your emotions. Don't talk with someone you just knew. Baka i-tsismis ka lang non. I am blessed to have Kuya Prudy as, not just a personal psychologist, but also a trusted friend. He's the kind who just listens. You need someone who is patient enough to listen to your ranting. Recently, these guys have become close buddies -- people that can relate with my struggles, too.
3. During depressing times, the more you need God. It's a cliche, but it's a recent realization for me. There was a point in my struggle where I actually tried to abandon God -- not the agnostic/atheist type, but more of like 2 lovers having "LQ". It was a mistake and I'm finding it hard to recover from it. It would definitely help if you will not disconnect yourself from your church family or not stop your personal time with God.
A couple of other tips that I don't necessarily recommend:
- Make yourself busy. When I'm depressed, I tend to work a lot. Like working until 3 am. I used to do that when we were just starting Team Sparrow, our web development team. Workaholism is never a good thing. I don't recommend that. But it works for me.
- Hit the gym. It may or may not apply to you. But the gym is my best friend when I'm depressed. It's kind of like a release. If anything, I lost 15 lbs in 2 months, which is good, because I was 17 lbs overweight. Now that I look thin (most people recognize that now), my next problem is to look not so thin by building lean muscles. Now that's depressing.
| Mixed. | Jun 19, '08 10:12 PM
for everyone |
Work. Client. Abroad. Lost. Again. Sad.
But. Locally. Great!
Mixed. Emotions.
Grace Place. At the movies. Next week. Exciting! More. Later.
Mixed up. Maxed out. But...
Quitting was a blog post I made last May 18. I actually didn't post it, I just placed it in my drafts. Until today. I want to give a contrast to what I was about to post.
Nothing has changed much since then, really. But this passage from the Message paraphrase made a dent on me. I'm entitling this post as "Small potatoes", and you'll know why in a while. Feel the intensity as Eugene Peterson paraphrased 2 Cor. 4:16-18. For those of you who are on the ebb, read carefully, this one's for us.
So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
| Dad | Jun 14, '08 11:00 PM
for everyone |
 Writing this quick blog while at the car wash. On father's day. Before we leave for Grace Place. So, this better be quick.
I'm not really sure what's with the father's day/mother's day thingie. I grew up in the province knowing nothing about this. Never greeted my mom/dad a happy mother's/father's day. That's why I still feel awkward greeting my parents -- because I don't know if they can relate! :-) Makes me feel awkward too, receiving father's day greetings today. Should I feel like it's my birthday or something? Because that's the only day I normally receive an influx of txt greetings.
Having said that, since I'm in the city -- sige na nga, happy father's day to all the fathers out there.
A quick note about my dad before I end this quick post. You see, I've been a dad for 4 years. And looking at how my dad raised us, I feel uncomfortably lacking.
- My dad never lost his temper on me. Very patient guy. Kahit gaano ako kakulit noong bata ako, hindi nagagalit. The only time that I get a spanking was when I had a sleep over at my classmate's house and never told him. On the other hand, I loose my temper at Johann quite often, especially these days.
- My dad always had us as our priority. I do not. My busy schedule is the excuse. But that's lame.
- Always willing to teach me. Taught me math. Taught me how to drive. (I was driving beside him at 6 years old!). Taught me how to court girls -- ok this one's an exaggeration. But there has been countless life lessons that he taught me over the years. Me? I, most of the time, take care of the playing while I leave the teaching to my wife.
- I've been married for 5 years and my Dad is still and always takes care of me. When I'm down, he, together with my mom, are always the first ones to call me up and offer help.
My dad's not perfect, that's given. But compared to him? I'm a lousy daddy. And I can't promise to be a good dad. I can only promise to try and do my best to become one.
I don't handle depression well these days. I told a good friend the reason: I've never been emotionally battered in my life than in this season that I am in right now. That's the reason why I suck in handling swings in emotions. One disappointment, you'll see me crawling to depression.
How do I handle depression? I keep myself busy. I work. Work. Work. Sometimes, I do some things that religious hypocrites will curse me for doing. In the absence of friends to talk to, I dump off my emotions to Twitter, Yahoo status messages or Friendster shoutout as means of release. And, if there's any healthy way to treat depression, it's the gym.
Oh, yes, before I forgot, I'm kind of feeling that you will suggest that I turn to God when I'm depressed. I do that too. In fact, because of this I feel closer to him. In a different way. You see, if the only thing you can tell God are praises, thanksgiving or worship, I just think that it's so superficial. Jesus is not only Lord, he is also a friend. And if you are close to a friend, you can tell him anything, right? Like...
- Friend, I don't like what you're doing. Stop it, will you? - I'm loosing it. - You're suppose to be here with me, right? But seems your not. - I'm angry. Can you feel it?
Anyway...
I forgot to tell that a blog can be a good sound off board too! Heck, I control the content! So, I'm writing this because I'm depressed. Today.
The past days got me excited about something. Today, it fell flat on my face -- it's not gonna happen. Depressed. Again.
Coors, anyone?
| Lessons | Jun 10, '08 2:54 AM
for everyone |
 What I have learned in life for the past few months could be more than what I have learned in the past 20 years. So, I'm sharing these lessons -- it may not apply to you, though, but at least it is to me. I made these up, so don't quote me if it didn't work for you ;-)
- If you've got THE balls, act like one.
- Don't keep up with the Joneses if your last name is dela Cruz.
- Doing the right thing IS NOT always the right thing to do. (this one's controversial, I know).
- The most neglected people in an adult life are the parents.
- Thinking about yourself above anything else is selfishness. Thinking about yourself isn't.
That's all for now. More later, gotta go back to the school of life.
 I'm wearing my "Jesus is human, too" t-shirt today. It is fast becoming one of my favorites.
I first wore this shirt during one of those last Sundays I spoke at Grace Place when I covered the topic on the humanity of Jesus. It was very personal to me as I was in the middle of something during that time. I preached to myself.
I learned, as I taught, that Jesus underwent the exact human emotions that a typical human being would have. He felt lonely, abandoned, he was confused (oh, yeah, debate me on that!), at one point, he felt like giving up. And since he underwent these kind of sufferings, he can relate with what I'm undergoing though, and to yours. He wasn't just a distant God, he is also a close human friend.
I have to constantly remind myself that Jesus is human, too.
Let me give a very controversial statement: most Christians, as time passes by, become less and less authentic. Here are the most famous lines we often hear from Christians:
"Di ba Christian sya, eh bakit ..."
"Christian ka pa naman..."
or...
Christian-christianan.
Ok, the last one is my pathetic attempt to be humorous. The point is, these sentences assumes that a Christian is always in top shape -- spiritually, emotionally. When someone says he's having some trouble, we'd always have the cliches loaded -- "God will make a way", or "Be strong in Christ", or "You are a conquerer in Christ", or "You can do all things through Christ..."
Make no mistake about it, I believe that these cliches are true. But it doesn't eliminate the fact that Christians also experience depression, doubts, even lost of faith. The sad thing is, because we are expected to be "perfect" because we're Christians, we hide the imperfections. We hide the doubts, the anger, the problems. We attempt to project as strong and immovable "because we have Christ". Seriously, is that always true?
I'm tired of this hypocrisy. I'm tired of being seen as "perfect" because I'm not. No one is.
I practically grew up in an environment like this. "Fake it if you will, but don't show your weakness". The result is a bunch of feel good, judgemental hypocrites.
At this point, I'm drawn to people who are authentic. The more you make yourself vulnerable to me, the more I open up to you. The more I see your weakness, the more you'll see mine.
I'm an apologist by nature. I grew up and received training from my former denomination as an apologist. I have been involved in online apologetics ministry where I met one and two, among others, very argumentative but really cool friends.
Apologists always have answers to questions. That's not a good thing, by the way. Because I realized that even my canned answers to questions will be my worst enemies when I become the one who asks those.
Honestly, I'm struggling with questions that I used to have answers, like:
"Why is life unfair?"
"Is doing the right thing always the right thing to do?"
"Is it always true that 'winners never quit, quitters never win'?" (more about this one on another blog post)
This is not the right venue for answering these questions. In fact, seriously, I'm not even looking for answers. I don't know why, but have you ever come to the point where you're tired of the answers and just want to ask questions?
Anyway, what do you do when you have questions that are left unanswered?
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